The State of the country and how I am not cool with it




I work at the BPO industry, you see, I work for people I don’t see, but here’s what i can see – the current state of my country.

Knowing my friends and some of my family, believe me this is such a bold statement to make. I hate what’s happening in my country. I am not good with law and I am certainly not a prominent figure to matter, but I know this will hurt the butts of a lot of people especially by the people who idolize the current administration. I am never one for the politics and I’m never one to tolerate the killings.

Believe me how hard it is to take sides, with the media not really doing the job the way they should be. I used to want to work in that industry, but I don’t think that’s for me. The country’s been getting a lot of attention -yes, some maybe good, as what they good, whatever publicity is good publicity. Whatever. I am only seeing this on my own eyes and I am not trying to change your mind.

We are not gods yet, we are trying to be. We are not judge, yet we talk like we have the right. We are Filipinos yet, we are acting like animals- attacking each other and tearing each other’s noses. It’s sad, we are beginning to create wars within our own and while we are at it – let’s face it – the country’s gaining more enemies than allies.

Let’s face it, the leader represents the followers, and vice versa. As much as I want to become a follower, I don’t think I want to represent someone with worse temper than I am. No, I am not buying into that, I want someone with integrity who matches his walk with his talk and who knows how to respect.

Always remember no one wins the war. It will just be repeating the same wars of our fathers. And believe me, we are more than that.

The Shift

It’s 5am and I’m wide awake for I fell asleep earlier last night due to some misunderstanding with the beau. It’s insane how easily I get irritated by simple things I used to be okay with before. Am I becoming a bad person?  I don’t know, but all I know is that I am more comfortable with myself and my thoughts than I thought possible. Is it wrong? I don’t know. All I know is that I am on my way to who I am supposed to be. It’s not the route I would choose but seems like life has its own pathway and even if it’s quite selfish of the universe, well, I just hope it will get better in the end.

I tired hard to stay the same, I really do. but there are so many things you are so done with, but that doesn’t mean you’re now a bad person. There are just some things which shifted inside you and it would just hurt you when you try hard to stay the same.




Still That Girl

Remember when you used to be the girl who loves life?

Remember when you are still the one who wants to connect and establish relationships and all that?

It’s like life has failed you and let it ruined you, romanticizing failures and being alone.

You used to be one happy girl, always excited to live, always excited to plan and never let nervousness get the best her. Remember that?

Please don’t forget.

Please wake her up from slumber.

Please, be that girl.

because you are still that girl.13230952_1305259202817459_1456864419_o

Beautiful Borawan

Summer is beautiful.Clear skies, blue waters, sand on your soles- just thinking about it makes you feel relaxed and alive, isn’t it?

We went to this island called Borawan and I found myself mesmerized and in love with the beauty and wholesomeness of the place.There’s something about it that’s still pure and soul-satisfying.



I’m feeling 22

I’ve always dreamed of celebrating my birthday with my closest friends and be surprised by people I care about. Turned out, this year is still not going to go smooth sailing and cherry-picking. But, that’s fine! I believe the next years will become more meaningful and special as far as the experiences go.

This year, I simply celebrated my birthday with my fellow-celebrant, who happens to be my boyfriend in a eat-all you can buffet located near my workplace. It’s our first time to be actually be surrounded by that much food, it’s a great experience even though I wasn’t able to eat a lot due to, yes, you guessed it, anxiety. But I was happy 🙂


This year, I am feeling the pressure of being an adult. I thank God  every day that I am still employed and healthy. I must admit that I still feel a little nervous about everything that is happening around me. A little overwhelmed and anxious of what’s going to happen next. But, there’s no doubt that I have a lot to be thankful about. I am still a long way run to being emotionally open and totally okay. However, I am going to fight for this. There are nights I still lose the battle and wake up with the same dread, but I will continue and try to live.

I miss spending time with my friends and just chilling and be involved in each other’s lives, but maybe I’m still on the transition. This maybe a better birthday, but I am claiming this is not the best one yet! I want to celebrate next year, or maybe in the next 5 years to come, to finally be connected again. One day, it will happen. But for now, I am more than grateful with what I already have.

No Matter What…


“I got rejected. Again. I really wanted to get that job!”

Two weeks ago, that was my sentiment but last Tuesday, I received an unexpected call telling me that I am scheduled for an interview- a final interview! A battle fought but lost, but still God knows know how to surprise and take the ashes into something real and beautiful.

But before that, let me tell you what happened before and after that rejection.

While I on my way on the van, I started listening to Hillsong’s Empires album. Now, I must admit that I haven’t been very pleasant with my reactions (even towards God) for the past few months. I am still relearning how to walk hand in hand with Him.Going back, I was listening intently to the lyrics and calming myself for the coming onslaught. I was listening to this song Even When It Hurts not knowing that I am already taking the words to heart. I was praying and telling myself that no matter what the outcome will be, I will choose to praise and trust Him and not question why it has to happen. Again. To make the long story short, I got rejected. While on my way home, I was trying hard not to shed a tear but a few escaped while riding the bus (I know, drama queen, right?) I started listening to the same song again and closed my eyes and took the words all in. Right there, I started thanking God for the rejection, choosing to trust than to question. I went home with a major headache and still a sad heart, but after that day I moved on and tried to forget what happened. It still stings but it’s not burning anymore. The call arrived after 8 days and I’m not really sure how it happened. I was told that I failed and could come back after six months, but who am I to say “no”?

I believe that God taught me how to trust Him again even when things aren’t really making sense and to believe that His plans are much better than I would ever have. I am thankful for the tools that God is using to remind us that He is present and good even when we don’t see it. He never cease to amaze and manifest. An awesome God indeed. Worthy of praise even through the toughest times of our lives.


 “Even When It Hurts (Praise Song)”

Take this fainted heart
Take these tainted hands
Wash me in Your love
Come like grace again

Even when my strength is lost
I’ll praise You
Even when I have no song
I’ll praise You
Even when it’s hard to find the words
Louder then I’ll sing Your praise

I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise

Take this mountain weight
Take these ocean tears
Hold me through the trial
Come like hope again

Even when the fight seems lost
I’ll praise You
Even when it hurts like hell
I’ll praise You
Even when it makes no sense to sing
Louder then I’ll sing Your praise

I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise

And my heart burns only for You
You are all You are all I want
And my soul waits only for You
And I will sing till the morning has come

Lord my heart burns only for You
You are all You are all I want
And my soul waits only for You
And I will sing till the miracle comes

I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise

Even when the morning comes
I’ll praise You
Even when the fight is won
I’ll praise You
Even when my time on earth is done
Louder then I’ll sing your praise

I will only sing Your praise

Two Years and Beyond!



More than two years ago, I met a guy whom I never thought would actually take me seriously. Yes, I am the type of girl who fancies nerdy guys. I like them because I know they can carry interesting conversations. Back when I was in highschool, those type of guys never even look at me. I am a bad-boy magnet. Guys with a reputation for being reckless or guys who are waaaay older than me- they are the ones who would always want to catch my attention. My dream of dating a smart guy vanished.

When I went back to college, I met this guy (he was still wearing contact lenses that time) whom I thought is kinda cute. I never thought that he’s been mesmerized (according to him) by me even before we actually met because I am so white(again, according to him). One day, he went to our classroom to borrow a lab gown. He said he’d just return it, but I found a problem: How will he contact me? So, I said he should get my number. (Well, I know, I’m sneaky LOL)

Things started from there and last February 03, 2016, we celebrated our second year anniversary! It’s our first time going out of town together since our parents are so strict. We were so happy and we had a very intimate conversation while lounging at the beach.



I am so glad, I finally found someone I could love my whole life. I know we still got a long way to go, but this guy have seen me hit rock bottom and he never let me down even more. He would try to make me smile no matter how awkward he is when he does. I miss him even before we separate at the end of the day and I can’t get enough of his arms and smell. I know we’re still too young to settle down, but we are both willing to wait and work hard for that perfect timing. We trust God that He has brought us together to challenge and appreciate each other, and we are both thankful for that.



Baby, I know loving someone like me is hard, I cannot promise I am worth it but I promise you that no matter how much we might try to hurt each other, I will always come back to you because you’ve made me feel at home just by looking at your smile.

The Year I Still Have No Clue What I’m Going To Do




It’s the Chinese new year! Somehow a second new year to those who haven’t done any of their new years’s resolutions. Do I have any? I remember writing down some but I forgot where I wrote them in. 

I must admit that I haven’t done anything remarkable so far. I have new dogs if that counts but I must also admit that I haven’t enjoyed life as much as I do now!

I’m still jobless, but my family still supports me in all my decisions, trusting God that He has amazing plans for me. 

It’s already February, but one of my greatest feat is that I no longer worry whether I’m doing something fast. I worry about where I am putting my heart now. I’d rather be staying at home doing some chores without grumbling than working my ass out on a company who doesn’t value what I can do. I still hope and pray that He will direct me in a workplace where I will truly grow and won’t hinder my time for the Lord. 

To be honest, I don’t have any concrete plans yet. But it feels good to actually start from a new slate!

Also, I am loving the colors of the year that I incorporated them on my newly customized blog! 


New Trail, New Eyes

The only way you can see things in a different way is seeing through new eyes. It’s easier said than done. It’s not like you can get a transplant for the very same reason. I’m talking about the metaphorical resonance-how we see things and forcing ourselves to look past our present circumstances.

How was your 2015? Mine was mind-boggling, depressing and a whole lot of scary transition my body is not ready for. The soul, however, knows what to do. It knows when to rest, it knows when it’s enough and it knows when to start something new. Humans are fragile. I am fragile.

Admitting that you need help is the most vulnerable thing you could ever do but it’s the most liberating thing to be able to let out and take off your cover and shout to the world that you are hurting. Only then, starts the process of healing. You are what you decide to do with your sadness. You can wallow and pity yourself for the rest of your lives and blame anyone-even God-why your life’s a tortured mess. Or you can get up and feel the pain but refuse to give in. You can be stronger than this. You are stronger than this.

Take this year. Move on from here and never forget the lessons of the pain. But most importantly: be brave, dear heart. Don’t let the fire die out. You can. You will.



Insurgent by Veronica Roth(Divergent#3) Book Review

Insurgent by Veronica Roth


Rating:  ☆☆☆☆.5

I apologize for not being active this month, I miss writing and doing reviews but I had this moment wherein I was just only reading for the sake of doing a review, and it made me restless and unfocused so I had to refresh my mind for a little while. I’ve read a lot of books this month! But, first and foremost, below is the third book of Divergent Series: Insurgent.


The faction-based society that Tris Prior once believed in is shattered – fractured by violence and power struggles and scarred by loss and betrayal. So when offered a chance to explore the world past the limits she’s known, Tris is ready. Perhaps beyond the fence, she and Tobias will find a simple new life together, free from complicated lies, tangled loyalties, and painful memories.

But Tris’s new reality is even more alarming than the one she left behind. Old discoveries are quickly rendered meaningless. Explosive new truths change the hearts of those she loves. And once again, Tris must battle to comprehend to complexities of human nature – and of herself – while facing impossible choices about courage, allegiance, sacrifice, and love.(from goodreads)

Spoiler Free Review:

Call me emotional but I give five stars with books who make me cry and this one made me bawl at 1am I had to get up and go down to stifle my sobs. I’ve heard a lot of things from my friends and everybody’s already buzzing with that spoiler but still, it did not prepare me for the imminent event that shattered my soul into pieces. It was heartbreaking.

The last book made me feel tense all thought, and the writing of Roth is really straight to the point with few poetic notations that will make you sigh. It’s heartbreaking and it made me feel like everyone’s just bidding their time. There are also moments when I don’t want it to end and reread a phrase or a paragraph.I can still feel the pain of last night and that means it’s beautiful, beautiful book that will make you feel something.

As for the scientific references, I know that we should not dwell on this too much but I’m just glad that Roth didn’t use many jargons that would only be ignored by the readers who are not geeky. I think everything is well written and it made me wonder about a lot of things. I mean, how would you react if you found that what you believed about the world and yourself are all lies?

Some of my Favorite Quotes:

 “I think I’d like to find a middle ground for myself,” he says. “To find that place between what I want and what I think is wise.”

“I catch myself thinking, Thank God for this, out of habit, and then I understand what he’s so concerned about. What if my parents’ God, their whole belief system, is just something concocted by a bunch of scientists to keep us under control? And not just their beliefs about God and whatever else is out there, but about right and wrong, about selflessness? Do all those things have to change because we know how our world was made?”

“And,” I say, “I think you’re still the only person sharp enough to sharpen someone like me.”

“I used to think that when people fell in love, they just landed where they landed, and they had no choice in the matter afterward. And maybe that’s true of beginnings, but it’s not true of this, now. I fell in love with him. But I don’t just stay with him by default as if there’s no one else available to me. I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me.”

“Since I was young, I have always known this: Life damages us, every one. We can’t escape that damage. But now, I am also learning this: We can be mended. We mend each other.”