The State of the country and how I am not cool with it




I work at the BPO industry, you see, I work for people I don’t see, but here’s what i can see – the current state of my country.

Knowing my friends and some of my family, believe me this is such a bold statement to make. I hate what’s happening in my country. I am not good with law and I am certainly not a prominent figure to matter, but I know this will hurt the butts of a lot of people especially by the people who idolize the current administration. I am never one for the politics and I’m never one to tolerate the killings.

Believe me how hard it is to take sides, with the media not really doing the job the way they should be. I used to want to work in that industry, but I don’t think that’s for me. The country’s been getting a lot of attention -yes, some maybe good, as what they good, whatever publicity is good publicity. Whatever. I am only seeing this on my own eyes and I am not trying to change your mind.

We are not gods yet, we are trying to be. We are not judge, yet we talk like we have the right. We are Filipinos yet, we are acting like animals- attacking each other and tearing each other’s noses. It’s sad, we are beginning to create wars within our own and while we are at it – let’s face it – the country’s gaining more enemies than allies.

Let’s face it, the leader represents the followers, and vice versa. As much as I want to become a follower, I don’t think I want to represent someone with worse temper than I am. No, I am not buying into that, I want someone with integrity who matches his walk with his talk and who knows how to respect.

Always remember no one wins the war. It will just be repeating the same wars of our fathers. And believe me, we are more than that.

The Shift

It’s 5am and I’m wide awake for I fell asleep earlier last night due to some misunderstanding with the beau. It’s insane how easily I get irritated by simple things I used to be okay with before. Am I becoming a bad person?  I don’t know, but all I know is that I am more comfortable with myself and my thoughts than I thought possible. Is it wrong? I don’t know. All I know is that I am on my way to who I am supposed to be. It’s not the route I would choose but seems like life has its own pathway and even if it’s quite selfish of the universe, well, I just hope it will get better in the end.

I tired hard to stay the same, I really do. but there are so many things you are so done with, but that doesn’t mean you’re now a bad person. There are just some things which shifted inside you and it would just hurt you when you try hard to stay the same.





Less than a month ago Rachel Griffin of wehaveapples posted that she’s looking for brave souls who are interested to send in their photos of how they feel about their mental illness and encouragement for those who need it. I emailed my photos and yesterday she sent us the mp3 and it’s beyond perfect! I love it! I cried and I’m not ashamed of saying so. And today, I checked my Reader and the video is right there! I clicked play AND I SAW MY FACE ON THE SECOND PICTURE! I’m so happy!!!! Thank you Rachel for giving us a chance to open up and not be scared about it. I’m so proud and happy I am a part of this project and I am won’t deny that, yes, life is hard, but we are worth it ❤

I want to remember days like today ❤

Actually, this happened yesterday but I wasn’t able to create a blog post about it. Let’s all pretend it’s yesterday. Okay? Bear with me.

I woke up feeling groggy because I took medicine so I could fall asleep longer and earlier. The reciprocation was when I woke up, though. I felt so tired. I texted my boyfriend to annoy him and fight but he just went here to invite me to go out.

I casually told him that I want to have an adult coloring book and he surprised me with one 🙂


It’s really therapeutic, you should try it if you think you need a new hobby or you feel that reality is being so suffocating.

Lately, I’ve been listening to classical music and it helps me concentrate on what I am doing. A good news also came. I have an up-coming interview tomorrow as an Admin Staff.

I don’t know if I am ready for  work but we’ll see. Then, we went out and visited a nearby coffee shop with a very bookish name. (though, not particularly a book I am fond of)


It’s one of those days I want to last a long time. It’s one of those rare moments I really feel like there’s a safe place out there. I am just really happy that I have someone like him in my life. He is so patient and understanding in whatever mood I am in and forgiving even when I can’t forgive myself.

Last Hope

Hi guys, how are you? I had a really tough week! It’s as if every day feels like a lifetime, I really thought I wouldn’t survive! I know it’s really dramatic, but I think I really am friendless now. But, I’m okay 🙂 I have this peace in me since Friday night, though the emotions keep on barging on the walls of this peace I think it’s better than nothing. I shut down my Facebook cause I don’t think it’s for me anymore(as of now, I don’t know). To be honest, I think it’s a fake place to make and cultivate friends and express yourself. Blog is so much better and more honest than that place. I went out two times last week and I feel like I finally achieved something as absurd as it sounds. It’s a little feat but I wouldn’t disregard it. I hope I can go out more this week. I really need to get a job already.

I haven’t done the Creative Blogger Award because I don’t know how to make a template. I suck at graphic design 😦 Can someone help me out with that? Also, I am exerting an effort to reach out to my spirituality. I know not all of you believe in God but to be honest, He is what makes me feel sane. I am not going to launch on my “testimony” but I just want to be honest how I started drifting apart with my relationship with Him and things got worse. I know I am diagnosed with Bipolar but I can actually lived through it before through Him. Now, I started to lose hope and I want to regain it back, because as it cliche as it sounds, He makes me feel alive. 🙂

Also, I am regaining my strength through reading, playing the guitar, hanging out(through text/call) with some of my remaining friends and reading. Hihi. Hope I can finally restore this peace inside me. Thank You Jesus.

How about you? What makes you feel alive?

Here’s the song that’s been making me sane for the past few days 🙂

Last Hope-Paramore


Made You Up by Francesca Zappia

Photo by Powerbooks

Photo by Powerbooks

Made You Up by Francesca Zappia

Year Published: 2015

Hi guys! Another review. Awesome! I actually had a hard time deciding what should I post but now we here! I actually read this book way back June, I think and I can say that it’s actually my 2nd favorite book of this year! The first one is All The Bright Places which you can find my review here. But today, we are going to tackle a little about this psychedelic covered words of awesome. Let’s go!


Reality, it turns out, is often not what you perceive it to be—sometimes, there really is someone out to get you. Made You Up tells the story of Alex, a high school senior unable to tell the difference between real life and delusion. This is a compelling and provoking literary debut that will appeal to fans of Wes Anderson, Silver Linings Playbook, and Liar.

Alex fights a daily battle to figure out the difference between reality and delusion. Armed with a take-no-prisoners attitude, her camera, a Magic 8-Ball, and her only ally (her little sister), Alex wages a war against her schizophrenia, determined to stay sane long enough to get into college. She’s pretty optimistic about her chances until classes begin, and she runs into Miles. Didn’t she imagine him? Before she knows it, Alex is making friends, going to parties, falling in love, and experiencing all the usual rites of passage for teenagers. But Alex is used to being crazy. She’s not prepared for normal. (Goodreads)


Two of the main characters are Alex and Miles.

 As what you’ve read (if you really read) Alex has schizophrenia and that means she is suffering from hallucinations and twisted versions of reality. As what the book’s blurb told us, she is not ready for normal. However, Alex don’t really appear to me as whiny or emotional like I thought she would be. She’s actually cool!

Miles on the other hand is not your typical heartthrob or Mr. Popular but boy, he is a genius! He is aloof and one thing that I found weird, but in an adorable way, is that he is afraid that no one would actually want to be his friend when it’s obvious that there are some who actually see him as one.

They met when Alex returned to school and then they had this club wherein they started hanging out (with a bunch of awesome others as well) and then things slowly started from there.


Let me narrow down the things I like about this book:

It’s awesome in a way that it’s emotional but not dragging. It’s actually a feel-good book despite some of the parts wherein you will have no choice but to feel something.

The characters are real people. I mean they’re fictional but you can actually see that it’s possible to happen and there are are people with issues like that.

It’s hopeful. In the end it’s still about a girl with schizprenia.. schizoperenia.. wait lemme check.. schizophrenia, there. Haha! 😛

You can actually relate to them.


What about the things I do not like:

I’m not really good at unreliable characters and Alex is one, so that should be the only issue for me.

I read somewhere that the symptoms of Alex’s disorder aren’t really accurate and only pure imagination. But, I think it shouldn’t become a debate whether a story is well-written or not. What I’m saying is that, you read a book and you have to filter everything that you will believe one way or another or you will be bonkers in the end. You have to know that writing a story is one way of seeing reality and what I’ve learned is that, different people have different beliefs and that means different realities. I loved this book and I am proud of who wrote this. Maybe she did not write it for the sake of proving that how the book presented the disorder is real and this is how a person with it lives. Maybe, she wrote it because she wanted to say something that is beyond what words are written on the paper. In the end, we make our own decision if we believe what we believe.

Dear Diary #1

08/25/15 10:58PM

I read an article last night that you should not write a blog post if you’re mad or sad, and to be honest, I don’t want to spread negative vibes all around the web. So, I would like to say sorry if you will ever find yourself sad by this, or maybe, don’t read this at all. It might actually save you a lot of time and eye power.

I am so sad but I don’t know how to express it. There are too many problems in the world and my head is one of those. I am so depressed but I don’t show it. How hard is that? I am numb even to feel pain and I don’t think it’s normal anymore. I don’t know what to do with my life. I have a lot of ideas but they don’t seem to suffice, mostly, impossible. I think I reached my dead end. I want to help my family but I think I am starting to become a burden to them. I just really want to make them happy. I’ve been a pain in the ass for a long time now.

I used to have a lot of friends but now, I think I am always doing something to annoy them or they don’t want to spend time with me anymore. Why do I always feel like I am a burden to everyone I care about? I’m always afraid of talking to new people because I’m afraid I might say something that might offend them or I might act like I’m already an old friend.

I don’t know what I want to do in life. I feel so lost and I feel like I have wasted so much time, not to mention my parent’s resources.

Nothing good really happened today. Nothing bad happened either but I cannot trust myself anymore…

I bought a book by Virginia Woolf who happened to commit a suicide.

I bought a book by Virginia Woolf who happened to commit a suicide.

All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven, My Favorite Book of 2015!

There is no doubt in my head on how much I love and appreciate this book. Besides the fact that Jennifer Niven and I are pals (we follow each other on IG and we’re friends on Facebook, no, just kidding, she’s just really friendly and nice with the bookish community.Tee-hee!) this book is really important to me.

my picture

my picture

Hi guys! Today, I am going to follow a format I just made so we will be able to have neater experience while browsing my little blog 🙂

Genre: Young Adult

Year Published: 2015


There’s this girl named Violet and a boy named Finch. Violet’s sister died of a car crash, Finch just wanted to die. Their lives collide when both of them went to the school bell tower thinking of the same thing-end their lives. Their little scene found its way into friendship. They had this assignment where they have to visit their hometown’s “natural wonders”. But Finch is a weirdo and he found ways to make this project more exciting by giving rules and not limiting the places they would visit.

They became comfortable with each other and they found solace and adventure every time they’re together. Violet’s world began to unravel again but Finch’s world became more suffocating.


There are only two main characters whom I love. Violet Markey and Theodore Finch. Violet Markey wasn’t an outcast before her sister died but became one after the accident. She’s clearly an introvert because she prefers reading rather than partying, or maybe she’s just depressed. She had a lot of fears and one of that is driving again. She also cannot write because she’s always reminded of her deceased sister since they had a blog together. She’s pretty, curvaceous but not full of herself.

Meanwhile, there’s Finch, the resident weirdo, freak and you know it. Let me tell you how I find Finch hot! I have a thing for him, obviously. He has these crazy ideas about dying. He keeps track of ways he could die and documents it every day (hence the bell tower incident). He also have this habit of “changing personalities” depends on his mood, but Finch don’t do it just because he wants to. At the end of the book, someone talked to him and asked him if he knows about Bipolar Disorder, and maybe it’s safe to say that Theodore Finch is one.


There are so many things I like about this book. As what I’ve said it’s my favorite book of 2015. I got it as soon as it was published and I regret nothing! I I love their luminous story. I love how it makes me cry just thinking about it and I love that I can see them clearly in my head while I’m reading and even after. They are so real in my head that sometimes, I don’t believe they’re fictional because they are already part of me.

What I don’t like about this book? Oh well. DO I HAVE TO SAY???


Finch died. And I will never get over it.


So, let’s talk about them and how they left a crater on my chest. I just cannot accept the end, okay? I mean, the end is awesome, it’s hopeful, but what I meant is before that. It’s so depressing, I actually wasn’t able to go to university after I read it. I was crippled, I was pained! Jennifer Niven, you ruined my life right there, but I love you so much for giving us a glimpse of Finch and you don’t know how much I can relate to him. We should be aware that family should be the first and foremost source of support even though they cannot understand what they’re going through.  It’s a valid cry of help for those who are battling their own mind. People should not be afraid because we are also humans.


Songs to Listen to: Let Me Love You (until you lean to love yourself)-Glee cover

Place to Read: Room because you will cry, bring tissue and ice cream