The State of the country and how I am not cool with it




I work at the BPO industry, you see, I work for people I don’t see, but here’s what i can see – the current state of my country.

Knowing my friends and some of my family, believe me this is such a bold statement to make. I hate what’s happening in my country. I am not good with law and I am certainly not a prominent figure to matter, but I know this will hurt the butts of a lot of people especially by the people who idolize the current administration. I am never one for the politics and I’m never one to tolerate the killings.

Believe me how hard it is to take sides, with the media not really doing the job the way they should be. I used to want to work in that industry, but I don’t think that’s for me. The country’s been getting a lot of attention -yes, some maybe good, as what they good, whatever publicity is good publicity. Whatever. I am only seeing this on my own eyes and I am not trying to change your mind.

We are not gods yet, we are trying to be. We are not judge, yet we talk like we have the right. We are Filipinos yet, we are acting like animals- attacking each other and tearing each other’s noses. It’s sad, we are beginning to create wars within our own and while we are at it – let’s face it – the country’s gaining more enemies than allies.

Let’s face it, the leader represents the followers, and vice versa. As much as I want to become a follower, I don’t think I want to represent someone with worse temper than I am. No, I am not buying into that, I want someone with integrity who matches his walk with his talk and who knows how to respect.

Always remember no one wins the war. It will just be repeating the same wars of our fathers. And believe me, we are more than that.

The Shift

It’s 5am and I’m wide awake for I fell asleep earlier last night due to some misunderstanding with the beau. It’s insane how easily I get irritated by simple things I used to be okay with before. Am I becoming a bad person?  I don’t know, but all I know is that I am more comfortable with myself and my thoughts than I thought possible. Is it wrong? I don’t know. All I know is that I am on my way to who I am supposed to be. It’s not the route I would choose but seems like life has its own pathway and even if it’s quite selfish of the universe, well, I just hope it will get better in the end.

I tired hard to stay the same, I really do. but there are so many things you are so done with, but that doesn’t mean you’re now a bad person. There are just some things which shifted inside you and it would just hurt you when you try hard to stay the same.




Still That Girl

Remember when you used to be the girl who loves life?

Remember when you are still the one who wants to connect and establish relationships and all that?

It’s like life has failed you and let it ruined you, romanticizing failures and being alone.

You used to be one happy girl, always excited to live, always excited to plan and never let nervousness get the best her. Remember that?

Please don’t forget.

Please wake her up from slumber.

Please, be that girl.

because you are still that girl.13230952_1305259202817459_1456864419_o

Generation Without a Purpose


Overhearing TV sounds from some noon time show while contemplating how in the world we got here. We used to fight in wars, help people fight for their freedom and untangle the mysteries of the world. Now, we live as if we’re always running out of time. We go to school and make to do lists so we could at least say we accomplished something. Learning has become synonymous to a piece of paper gained after decades of understanding synopsis, theories and conclusions without really knowing what these are for. Sadly, we learn, so we can earn.

What happened to the noble dreams of wanting to become a doctor or an engineer, a teacher when all we think about are our parent’s unfulfilled dreams? Sometimes, I wonder what happened to humanity. Did technology changed it all? Or we just let ourselves became blinded by wanting more and more?

Do not blame the computers. Do not blame the internet. Do not blame government’s corruption. As far as I know, it’s been wired that way since the beginning of time. As far as I know, we are the ones who put these things in our lives.

We live to consume. We live for the future we do not even know will come. Gone are the good old days of enjoying the moment when all we really do is escape with our selfies and ootds and all the rubbish we invented, or maybe just inherited, who knows. We value people on how they look and how much money they have on their virtual vaults. Sadly, we are bullied to believe the same.

Accomplishments are based on gaining certificates, recognition and public attention no matter how fleeting. We document our lives without really feeling anything, what happened? Can we do something real and good without boasting about it?

Now, tell me. What is your purpose? Is it to make this world a better place or contribute to its destruction?

We used to fight in wars but I think we are in a larger war in the history-with ourselves. We are hypocrites saying one thing and doing another. Choosing our beliefs to fit our actions. This.Generation.Suck and I am ashamed to be part of it.

Make a difference? Sure, yeah. Maybe later I’ll post some selfie with a very long inspirational post from some guy who died 100 years ago and I never even met, so it’s okay to plagiarize,  and hope it would amount to something.

I long to be there…

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.”

Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929
US author & journalist (1899 – 1961)

Ever read or heard of that passage Ernest Hemingway wrote? Did any of it piqued interest or you don’t agree? I used to think that life isn’t complicated. But, when you started seeing things in unfiltered way, you will realize that this world is a cruel mechanism ready to kill any hope and happiness. I’m not saying it in a depressive way; I’m saying it as a-matter-of-fact. Yes, there are good days, good moments, but if you close your eyes and listen, you will hear and feel that this world is such a nonsensical ball of regret and loneliness. It’s just not enough. Maybe, that’s why we long for another world, for us humans are created with holes on our hearts, we crave for something more. We look for the beautiful. The kind of beauty that shouldn’t be felt just because you don’t have a choice. I am jealous of people who don’t break, they know how to bend when every piece of me are already scattered. I told my boyfriend earlier that I am sad because I don’t feel like I can do something special. I had this hope that I could do something bizzare or different if I am born with perpetual hormonal imbalance. I told him I don’t think I have that something, that I asked God why He did not create me to be as normal as every one else, that I asked Him why He did not create me to control my thoughts like every one else so I could just live normal like other people. I thought I shouldn’t be in this situation. The country I am in is a poor one. I cannot afford to be suicidal or be publicly depressed. People would judge, they won’t understand. What with the “bigger” problems other people have? I only have my thoughts to fight, they have mouths to feed. I used to be brave. Now, I cannot even go out and commit to something. But, if you could only know what’s on the back of my mind. I want to be normal as much as possible even if it kills me.

That’s the reason sometimes I no longer feel like I belong here. There must be something, somewhere. And I long to be there.